I just bought a Nikon D90!!!
I want to live where sunsets never fade
Where clouds poor with no end
Where the wind smells of you, cold and sweet
Where drops of rain like tears never drip down ones cheek
and I’ll have a wish that comes true…
Where time will stop and a lone leaf cascading will be forever frozen
Where autumns touch, takes over everything
Where shadows are everything and we hide in the tall grass
and my dream will flash like memories upon your eyelids…
Where snow flakes get stuck in girls hair, never melt but drip all over the place
Where we go to the beach just to get drunk off the salty water
Where hills are like flat plains and are easy to climb
and my thoughts are easy to find…
Where snapshots turn into beautiful pictures
Where people with no middle names get to choose when they die
Where the sun warms my back and the mornings have a chill
and I have someone in my bed that I can keep warm…
Where footsteps don’t make ripples in big puddles, yet in the little ones their a dime a dozen
Where forts are made out of cardboard boxes in trees and they never fall apart
Where marbles, every color of the rainbow coincide with each other in a bag
and I can take big breaths of air…
Where conversations never end on park benches
Where music sounds like thunderstorms and lightning is a strobe light flashing, wildly
Where we never stop dancing on graves of old
and I’m twenty one forever…
Where the earth is an ashtray and we are the butts
Where when we die, we see a big forest, moist and poise
Where whistling echoes keep are hearts racing in the night
and I can be happy just being calm…
Where we write our names in the dust and it doesn’t matter if it scratches the surface
Where being smart is overrated, but we all have half a million dollar houses
Where lovers in their covers, fit right into place
and I drink glass after glass of water…
Where straight boys sing and gay boys cry after their first time giving head
Where money is like pebbles easy to find and easy to skip on lakes or riverbeds
Where we drag our tongues on the pavement to bring dead babies back to life because some of us are merely born to die
and I can say “it was all worth it” and actually mean it…
Where everyone knows your name like they know they have fingers
Where smiles awake us at 6:00 a.m. and we don’t have to go to work till eleven
Where birds are mute, every other Sunday
and when my wish comes true it’ll be you standing at my door step.
I’m feeling strange as of late, I find myself in a rut. I feel unmotivated, lost, even not connected with reality. I need to break this pattern. Break out and get my life back in order, I find myself looking back in the past, back when thing were the way I wanted them. I see myself today and wonder how I ended here. I want so much, I want to stop smoking, drinking, staying up late, feeling sick, having pain in my left foot from the long boarding, I want to have things, nice things. At the moment I’m finding myself doing things that I don’t like. I just do them, I have no will power. I feel like a lost cause.
There are things I need to do to just be rid of the guilt, like I need to just paint these paintings for Jamie’s mother. I really hate them and I don’t know where to go with them. I need to just sit down and let the art flow through me. Get it out, so I never have to look at them again.
I need to clean the pig sty that is my room.
I want to detox my body from everything I’m putting into it. Smoking, eating to much. I drink too much Mountain Dew, I think its all the sugar that’s keeping me fat. Okay its probably because I don’t get out and do anything that will make me sweat. I need to go running more, or even go in walks.
Guilt.
I need none of this.
Guilt, I hate you.
I’m just too weak, I need to stand up to myself and just do whats best for me.
Guilt I don’t want you around.
- I'm having the hardest time trying to go to bed. I just cant sleep! Must watch more True Blood!!! #
- Boy do I hate stupid rednecks!!! #
- I'm going to start looking for jobs #
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